I guess I should probably let everyone who has liked this page know that I’m not dead. In fact, I can honestly say I feel more alive now than I ever have. But it’s been strange times for me guys. A lot of changes, a lot of stress, and a lot of real world shit to work out for myself.
I guess I’m posting this to let 333 people know that I have no intentions of leaving behind my meager internet presence, and that I have very good reasons as to why I’ve taken a step back. Very personal ones that I don’t want to share at this moment, but that I may in the near future. In fact, I think I will. I would like to take my site in a new direction, just as I have been taking my life in a new direction. And regardless of what happens, I know it is going to be good now. It’s a new vision, and a new time for me, and I’d like to share what I see now.
But shit has gotten pretty fucked up for me. How fucked up? Fucked up to the point where I’ve needed to sell off some of my most prized possessions. I don’t just like video games, I love them. But it turns out that I like eating and sleeping in doors more than I like playing video games, and I never thought I’d hear myself say that in a million years. But sometimes, shit gets so utterly fucked that a man has to face letting go of what he loves.
That part hasn’t been pleasant for me. Unpleasant to the point where 66 dollars will buy my video camera back from the pawn shop. It’s one of the few things I let go of that want back in my life, because I don’t want to stop making videos just yet. But this is a transitional period for me, and there’s a few things I needed to learn how to let go of, and a few things I need to learn how to get back.
I guess I just wanted to let everyone who has supported me over the years how thankful I am for what I’ve been given, and that when I get my feet back on the ground, I intend to give back. I haven’t forgotten about any of you. Not a one. And I beat myself up every day for losing contact with a few of you, and breaking promises that I’ve made in the past. I’ll go so far as to say that I’ve been selfish at times, but I think that’s all part of my growing process. I don’t care if that sounds cheesy either. Fuck it. It is what it is.
Sometimes, things change. And for me, things have been changing more than I could have ever expected them to. But they’ve been changing into good things. The process has just been…the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. My mind, and my body, are being put through the wringer right now. But I think that what comes out the other end will be a person who is stronger than he has ever been. And I’d like to share that person with people when I’m able to.
Johnny Oldschool isn’t my real name. Obviously. But neither is John, Johnny, or Johnathan. That will always be my internet persona, or at least it will for some time to come, and I’ll always carry with me the fun it’s brought me. But for those of you who would like to know my real name, maybe we can talk together sometime, and I’ll share it with you if I feel I need to. With some of you, I think I do. And I look forward to the conversation that happens afterwards.
Until then, I’m gonna knock back this beer, finish my cigarette, take a piss, and maybe bust out some Super Metroid. I’ll never lose sight of the things I love. I just have new things in my life now that fill old spaces, and I intend to explore them. Fully.
Also, I apologize for the multiple Captcha’s you’ll be seeing in my comments section right now. I’m deleting about 200 spam bot posts a day, and I have no idea how to properly stop it. If anyone has any ideas, please, for the love of god, let me know.